Well it's been a while.
I'm going to Slimming World tomorrow after crying at my boyfriend and deciding not to eat last night. (Actually, the arrangement was made with my friends to go to the class last week. I was just unsure whether I'd go or not, or if I liked being me.)
Life is pretty good. My boyfriend is fabulous and we've just had a lovely trip to Scotland to his family. It was really wonderful. I am a creature of the wilds and my little pagan spirit feels most at home in the vast landscapes and untamed land in every direction. His family are also lovely; we all got on well I think. And I didn't care about my weight at all, other than when photos were taken (or not, if I refused them!) but I had a brilliant time still.
Not sure how I feel, now, though. I'm worried that going to a slimming class will erode the tiny flickering flame of confidence I've got simmering (I don't always dislike how I look, it might not even be the majority of the time any more - until photos happen), I'm worried I'll become obsessive to extremes and that I'll punish myself if I 'fail' and I'm worried that it won't work and I'll always be fat.
It's just that sometimes I think being 'fat' doesn't matter, and I'm beautiful enough to get by anyway. Boyfriend thinks that, friends think that. So maybe it'll be okay. Maybe it'll be a nice social thing and I'll get some new recipes too.
We'll see.
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