I'd actually been doing really well. I got my certificate the week before last, after reaching my half stone award, and had actually lost 8.5lbs. I was so proud of myself. I tweeted the certificate, I showed everyone, I was bouncing all over the place.
Then I didn't go the week after, because I had a deadline the next day I was very unlikely to meet and needed to not spend two hours of my day out of the house and not working. The week after, having not had that incentive that Wednesday plus the added bonus of going to London for the weekend for my best friend's birthday (including beer and cakes), I didn't focus on Slimming World at all.
I went today, and in two weeks of returning to my old food habits and not thinking consciously about my choices at all, I have regained more than half of what I'd lost.
I cried a lot last night before going today, because I knew I'd have gained something and I was terrified of how much. In my heart I knew to expect 4lbs, ish. I knew what I'd been eating, and I know my body is 'used' to being fat and that giving it the sugar it wants and is used to will help it get back to its comfortable former size. Losing weight is a lot of work.
I've gained 4.5lbs in 2 weeks. I can't imagine the size I would be if I did that indefinitely. It's horrible. But I'm also devastated to have sabotaged my progress like this.
Week commencing the 5th November I was on top of the world. The little blip the fortnight before that was a mere 0.5lb gain during my period, which is something I have medical issue with anyway - if I have to gain 0.5-1lb one week a month, as long as it comes off again afterwards, I'll never beat myself up over that. I have bigger problems to worry about that week. In general the trend was definitely on the right track. I was enjoying it, and encouraged to see progress.
I am now practically back to where I started.
I suppose once I stop being so upset I'll make some plans for the week, rather than excuses - recipes I want to cook, and things to make in to be in the fridge ready, and no more cakes/treats/fun things. It's always easier at home, anyway - which in and of itself makes me worry about Christmas already, as that's another 2 weeks away from here and away from situations in which I am in control of the catering - I don't think I can cope with another instance like this.
Our group leader says she'll text me in the week. I hope she does. I nearly decided to walk away from the whole project last night, when I was in floods of tears and unable to explain to my very worried boyfriend why I was so upset.
I don't really want to give up, but I can't go through this again. Harder work needs to happen, and today I am too tired for that. He's made dinner (I'd be lost without him) and then it's back down to me to make this happen for myself.
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